While I'm Waiting

Before I lived in a foreign country and was in the process of learning a completely new language, well, I guess I thought a life of ministry would be comparable to a wonderful worship song. You know, the kind that makes you feel good to be alive singing to your Maker. The kind that you never want to end. Well, you get the point. This morning I learned that living a life of worship takes on a whole new meaning when all you can do is cry through the song, "Blessed Be Your Name", which, by the way you are hearing in a foreign language.

I'm in a season of waiting. For what, I'm not sure. But I do know that I'm waiting on God. The 'for what' doesn't really matter. God is the One I want. Not an answer. Just Him.

This morning, before church, I was struck by Psalm 50. I've basically been at a loss for months to know what God wants of me in this waiting. God is saying… I don't rebuke you for your sacrifice. I see it. But you know what? I don't need them. I own everything anyway. But three things I want from you: "Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor Me." Why? Verse 23, "He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God".

So in church, I didn't catch much of what was being said (I'll be honest). But I understood enough words at one point to know he was reading from Isaiah 40. So I turned there and started reading… "A voice of one calling: 'In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God'". I always wondered how to 'prepare the way'. Thank offerings, He says. He who sacrifices thank offerings… prepares the way. Hmm.

Isaiah 40 ends with, "Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength." I looked up that word for 'hope': to bind together, perhaps by twisting, to expect, to gather together, look, patiently, tarry, wait for, on, upon. Yup, I'm in waiting upon Him. I'm hoping for Him. Apparently, according to this word, waiting involves some twisting… and twisting is very uncomfortable. Remember when some annoying kid took hold of your arm and twisted both hands opposite directions for an Indian sunburn? Yeh, that's twisting. And that hurts. Conclusion: waiting hurts. You can expect that.

So I wondered how this word for hope/wait was used in other places. The first place is Genesis 1.9 "let the waters be gathered together into one place". Interesting. Bound together, perhaps by twisting.

Then there is my Psalm for the year (since I'm 27… I've kinda created a personal tradition). "Wait on the LORD, be strong and take heart [fasten upon; seize, bind] and wait for the LORD". That says to me, when you're waiting and there's nothing left to do but wait, you fasten yourself to the anchor of your soul, your only hope, you seize it and bind yourself to it. Even if it drags you to the bottom of the ocean and your lungs fill with water… let your last breath be a sign of you binding yourself to Him with all that you have until there is no more to give.

Then there is Psalm 130… "Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy… I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning."

And the God who hides himself, as experienced by Isaiah, "I will wait for the LORD, who his hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him." (8.17)

And lastly, Lamentations, "Great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD… let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him." (3.23…28)

So there I am. Sitting alone in silence, waiting… twisting, fastening, seizing, anchoring myself to the Lord. And while I wait, I will sacrifice thank offerings, preparing the way for Him to come and show me (not just tell me) the salvation of God. Sounds like a good place to be… with a good outcome from a good God.